RNF, Football Edition

7 September, 2009
Rat Fink

Random Neuron Firings

My high school football team needs a win this Friday. A shot of morale always does a body good. The coach is a stand-up guy, and the kids work hard. Go Trojans!

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Eric Mangini is still monkeying around and not announcing his choice for quarterback for the opening game, much to the distraction of the players, and the eternal annoyance of the fans.

Ya know…I wonder. I read somewhere that his indecision makes it appear as if he doesn’t like either guy, which can’t do a whole lot for morale in the locker room or on the field or in the front office. What’s the holdup? Why can’t you pick one? Everyone with a brain knows Quinn has less streakiness and more athleticism; pick him, fuh cripesake. Quit foolin around. Everyone thinks you’re a chump who actually believes he’s fooling the Vikings.

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I hate the St****rs. I mean, I really do. I hate Ben Roehtheeslehbklejhgwlehtkbeener, and I don’t even know him. He could be the Lord come to town on a pony and I wouldn’t care. As long as he wears the absolute undisputed butt-ugliest uniform ever foisted upon a team in the history of pro sports, I hate him.

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Speaking of ugly uniforms — Oregon wins the Olympic gold medal.

Ooo, those duck feathers are scaaaaaaaary...
Ooo, them duck feathers is scaaaaary.
Well, we had this extra fabric lying around, and...
See, we had this extra fabric lying around, and...
Sorry guys, but the UniRoyal tire-tread look doesn't exactly scream "champion."
Sorry guys, but the Uniroyal tire-tread look kind of gives the wrong impression.

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Peyton Manning is a really good actor. Seriously.

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Peyton Manning’s brother is a really rich man. Seriously.

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PS – The Slap Chop really works. Seriously.

PPS – HAPPY BIRTHDAY (a day late) to RtB fiends Bando and Stein! I remember my twenties. Um, wait…no I don’t. (Love to you both!)

FO

Photo credits: Getty Images; Sports Illustrated
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Bando
Bando
7 September, 2009 7:00 am

Thanks for the birthday wishes – they’re right on time for me. Maybe Stein was hatched on the 6th?

Glad to hear the Slap Chop works. That would have been a letdown of tremendous proportions. :-)

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PKPudlin
PKPudlin
7 September, 2009 8:20 am

As a former resident (ok, it was only 4 months, but it felt like a DECADE) of Pittsburgh PA, I need to tell you that the name of the football team is ‘The Stillers’. That is one weird town, I gotta tell ya. They have a language all their own. Don’t ever go there.

PK

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Mavis
Mavis
7 September, 2009 8:47 am

Eli Manning is definitely a rich man, but guess how much Michael Vick’s contract was for – $130 mil! Unbelievable. Back in ’01, the Packers extended Favre’s contract for $100 million. It’s all about the money. What happened to the game?!!

Mangini – eeny, meeny, miney, moe……

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Tom Hanks
Tom Hanks
7 September, 2009 12:23 pm

Sports Illustrated predicts the browns to go 2-14.

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Kodye
Kodye
7 September, 2009 11:25 pm

Ugliest uniforms ever? Are you really trying to say that Steel-Town Gold and Black is uglier than BROWN AND ORANGE? Six Super Bowl rings always help a uniform look better, too.

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Tom Hanks
Tom Hanks
8 September, 2009 3:32 am

I’m siding with Ed on this. Black/yellow beats brown/orange. I remember that even at an early age I found myself repulsed by the colors, which is probably the reason I have never been able to like them. In fact…the colors could probably be blamed for all of their failures. I’m sure back when they were winning championships before the existence of the super bowl brown and orange were dandy colors and were in tune with the flow of the universe. Unfortunately for them, times have changed.

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Stein
Stein
8 September, 2009 8:03 am

Brady Quinn is the biggest joke/choke to come out of college football. I really wish I could just say, “yes. He is cerebral, let’s go with him.” He never won a big game in college. Ever. He lost to all opponents ranked higher than Notre Dame. He had arguably the brightest offensive mind in the game, and lost every single one. Ohio State, USC, and LSU CRUSHED him. He goes into Cleveland and the fans go nuts because he was a Browns fan growing up? Ok, I’ll be QB. Maybe that formula doesn’t work. It sure didn’t work for good… Read more »