Yep, I’m haggin’ it again. It was time.
You know what? Shut up.
Like her new look or not, Jessica Simpson is far from “obese.” Calling her that is ridiculous and stupid. What is she, a size 8 now? Ten, maybe? What on earth is wrong with that? Are we so sick in this country with regard to female physical identity that now size 8 is “plus size?” I know…don’t answer that.
But here’s where Jessica falls off the wagon. (Either she fell off, or her wardrobe consultant did. Regardless, somebody needs to be slapped.) I refer to a longstanding observation of mine — yes, I’m quoting myself here:
Too many girls think that wearing shirts and jeans that are two sizes too small will actually make them look two sizes smaller.
So what’s wrong with the picture of Jessica? Simply: she is not fat, but what she’s wearing makes her look much heavier than she is. What’s up with the skin-tight tank top tucked into the painted-on jeans with a big belt to draw everyone’s attention to her problem area? Add to it the bare arms which should be covered, and hunny, you’re a mess, and you’re askin’ for it from the idiots of the world, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I’m not talking about wearing a muumuu, here. I mean, honestly. There are cute, smart ensembles that heavier girls can wear to complement their figures wonderfully. When I weighed 50 more pounds than I do right now, I did it. Worked in a band that played every weekend, and I always had nice, trendy evening wear *without* looking like I’d been run through a sausage casing machine to get into it.
I’m just saying that a skewed concept of physical beauty doesn’t only come from onlookers; it can come from a janked self-image as well. In other words, if you’re looking to exploit your … um … amplitude of curves, then rock on. That’s one thing. However, if you’re wearing skimpy, tight clothes because you think they’ll make you look thinner…ain’t happenin’.
At any rate, lay off Jessica. She doesn’t necessarily need to get back down to a size zero; she just needs a lesson in fashion subterfuge.
All right, “Hairy” Connick. I never noticed that he wore a hairpiece. I’m pretty sure that’s what it is. (And I know about hairpieces. Don’t ask me how I know; I just do.) Couple of giveaway hints:
Maybe I’m mental and it’s all real. And maybe not. But again…if he wants to cover up his receding hair line, you know what I (and John Lennon) say. Whatever gets you through the night…
Hearing some awful bad things about Harry’s new movie, however. Of course, that could mean that I would really like it. And oh, my…what a smooth voice he have. Love to hear that boy sing.