Where’d my “get up and go” go?

7 May, 2017
Rat Fink

I’m supposed to go to the band concert this afternoon. Honestly and truly, I can’t pull the trigger. I can’t get out of my jammies. I have no will power. I’m a useless blob. Call me Jabba the Hutt.

I texted my band guy and said I wasn’t going to make it today, and I am already consumed by guilt. I never miss concerts — even when I don’t feel the greatest. What’s different about today? I know not. But the thought of getting dressed and ready and driving 19 miles is more than I can bear. What gives?

Today, we need to go to the dog park (even they are lazy and listless today). I need to think about other things and move this bod. I need to write rhythm section charts and parent letters. I need to shake this fog and get ready to be brilliant at dinner tomorrow.

Who knows…maybe I’ll change my mind come 1:00, when it would be time to get ready. It won’t kill me to try.

Try…hmmm. What’s to “try” about getting dressed and cleaned up and in the car? What am I, an invalid? Recently, someone told me to just “unplug” and think about me for a change. Gotta say, as nice as that sounds, it’s not how I was raised, and not how I raised my kids, for good or ill. You always think of others before self. Maybe that’s what’s got me feeling so guilty about being a lazy dog today, all curled up in a ball, feeling sorry for myself. Can’t run away from my nature/nurture.

Do you ever do that? Decide to put yourself first, then end up changing your mind anyway?

4 Comments

  1. Girl- at our age (and I’m a little older than you, but not that much), we deserve a little pampering. Don’t confuse this with selfishness.

    A little story: When I was in nursing, we’d get nursing students through now and then. They were so cute with their new school uniforms, a shiny new pocket protector filled with pens, penlights, bandage scissors and other paraphernalia, the other pocket had a notebook, keys, etc. They had new stethoscopes around their necks and were eager to learn.

    Nurses, I’m sorry to say, have a tendency to eat their young. I knew, looking at these faces, that only one in about 10 would actually stay in the profession. Most drop out because it is just too emotionally and physically draining.

    Nursing school focuses on anatomy, medications, disease entities, etc., but it does not teach the student how to self-preserve; how to feel the pain but then let it go. Nurses give and give until they are empty but do not know how to re-fill their own cup. I’m convinced the nursing shortage would be solved if this was dealt with, instead of treating them as a license with a pair of hands attached to be discarded when they are used up. But that’s another soapbox for another time.

    I’d ask these eager faces this question: What is the most important piece of equipment in the entire hospital?
    They’d come up with some interesting answers, but none were correct. The correct answer?

    The coffee pot.

    They always laughed, but I was serious. You can’t take care of anyone until you take care of yourself. This is not selfish – it’s just fact. An empty vessel cannot fill up another until it is full itself.

    Take today and re-fill your own cup. Take the pups for a walk, sit on the couch and veg out. Stay in your jammies. Give yourself permission to have this much needed time for yourself.

    Orders from your own personal NP (retired). <3

  2. I agree with PK, it’s not being selfish when you need some time for yourself. I realize you weren’t raised this way and feel guilty but hopefully you will one day be able to do so w/o the guilt. Like it or not we and our bodies are getting older and we need to rest up now and then.

    I had a day just last week where I just didn’t want to do anything and I was on the verge of tears the whole day. Since I had to go to work I managed to drag myself out. Usually getting out in the fresh air helps but not this day. No idea why I felt like that.

    Hugs to you and I hope you got done what you wanted to today.

  3. The old adage is you cannot pour from an empty cup! Nothing selfish about self-care, in most cases that care takes the form of simply recharging the “batteries.”
    Take the time to care for you…no one will die.

  4. Bird. My darling. Yes, we were always raised to do for others before ourselves. That was then, this is now. Even the Pope finds time to just sit, reflect and rewind. Sometimes we just need to jump off of the merry-go-round, sit back and watch it run for a bit. You already do a LOT for others before yourself. Put the guilt in a box on the shelf. Once you’ve rested and recharged, you’ll end up doing twice the amount for others because you took care of yourself and you’re raring to go again! If that was a run-on sentence, I apologize to all readers. ;-) I love you, sis!

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