Spill it.

21 September, 2009
Rat Fink

Don’t be shy. We all have confessions to make. I don’t mean the kind that might get you into trouble, or cause undue embarrassment — feel free to keep those secret — but rather, the silly type, whereby people might question your judgment and taste, but not your mental stability. Heh.

I’ll start. You continue, k? One or two will be fine; y’all don’t have to appear as messed up as myself…

  1. I just don’t think Jerry Seinfeld is funny. (Sorry Stoney & Wendell.) The whiny, semi-loser, smirking Jewish guy with the expressionless eyes just doesn’t do it for me, as it apparently did for millions of others.
  2. I love the song “Stacy’s Mom” by Fountains of Wayne. I play it in the truck all the time, volume on 28.
  3. When I was little, I had a nightmare in which Abraham Lincoln was under my bed, and he grabbed my ankles. The horror has never left me. As a result (every night since 1968), I yank my feet up into my bed as fast as I can.
  4. I refuse to open a public door without grabbing my shirt or sweater sleeve and covering my hand with it so I don’t have to touch the handle or knob. When I am in short sleeves, I have been known to stand there, trying to figure out an alternate plan, or trying to jimmy it open without the use of any fingers. I look ridiculous.
  5. There are certain words I cannot bear to hear or say. I’m like the Knights who say “Ni.”

So yeah. Spill it. What makes you certifiable? I covet your responses. #6: I love to say that I “covet” this or that. I love the word; it has a nice mouth feel.

Fink out (of her mind, I know).

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Skylar
Skylar
21 September, 2009 6:39 am

Why Abraham Lincoln? /:)

I don’t think I have anything worth confessing, possibly because I have no life outside of school and church. -.- Do you do that with the choir room door?

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Rat Fink
Rat Fink
21 September, 2009 2:46 pm
Reply to  Skylar

I don’t know why…I suppose it could have been a lesson or film about him in school that day or something. And yes, I do it on *every* public door! On the choir room door, if I don’t have a sleeve handy, I just use my open palm to open it — careful to not wrap my fingers around the handle.

Time perfects these little rituals. :-)

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Mavis
Mavis
21 September, 2009 8:59 am

I’m with you on the Seinfeld thing. Just don’t get it, I guess. I don’t like being in a room with all the curtains closed. I have to at least have one window I can see out. I have the same problem with putting my feet up quickly when I get into bed – thanks to “Penny Wise”. Too many more to post, I’m afraid.

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Rat Fink
Rat Fink
21 September, 2009 2:47 pm
Reply to  Mavis

Pennywise!!! I’m every nightmare you ever had…. AWESOME

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Kay
Kay
21 September, 2009 9:10 am

Me too on Seinfeld, but I am very obnoxiously vocal about the absolute insanity that Bob thinks is down on the floor funny. But my question is why do I have to [and I mean it is a personal requirement] fold towels in thirds? The big questions of life….

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Rat Fink
Rat Fink
21 September, 2009 2:48 pm
Reply to  Kay

Um yeah…remember watching Pink Panther at my house??? We were like, “Tee hee,” and the guys were rupturing spleens.

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Stein
Stein
21 September, 2009 9:16 am

1. I love, and probably always will love, goofy cartoons like Spongebob, Dexter’s Lab, Johnny Bravo, Looney Tunes, Fairly Oddparents, Rugrats, Rocko’s Modern Life, Ah! Real Monsters, etc. (Remember these old things???) 2. I have more knowledge of cooking and interior design than I do of cars. I do not change my own oil. However, I can cook some of the greatest things you can imagine. I do not lack the ability to change my own oil. I merely find that it would get me dirty, and those who know me know how much I hate being dirty. 3. I… Read more »

Skylar
Skylar
21 September, 2009 2:44 pm
Reply to  Stein

They’re hardly old! I remember watching a lot of them. Some survived. (Unfortunately.) Rugrats went out because of All Grown Up. Looney Tunes will never be gone. :D

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Kristen
Kristen
21 September, 2009 10:49 am

I don’t think Jim Carrey is funny. Never have. Which, according to most people, is apparently the 8th deadly sin.
And when I hang shirts up on hangers, the hook part absolutely HAS to be facing left when looking at the front of the shirt.

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Rat Fink
Rat Fink
21 September, 2009 2:56 pm
Reply to  Kristen

With you on the hanger thing, Kristen! I hate that.

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Greg
Greg
21 September, 2009 10:50 am

1. I loathe any type of reality TV–which would include American Idol, America’s Got Talent or Dancing with the Stars!!!
2. The State of Michigan—it’s like driving into Beirut. Crummy highways, unfriendly natives who drive like they got their licenses from a fruit machine.
3. People who over-pack for vacations! A person doesn’t need to change clothes six times a day! I’ve watched people arrive dockside for a cruise looking like Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced Boookay).
4. Carillon arrangers who write bell notes so high that even dogs can’t hear them.
5. Standing in any line more than 10 minutes!!

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Rat Fink
Rat Fink
21 September, 2009 11:46 am
Reply to  Greg

I love Keeping Up Appearances!

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Alastair Daphne
Alastair Daphne
21 September, 2009 11:40 am

1. agreed on Michigan.

2. I don’t like having to use words to communicate.

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Rat Fink
Rat Fink
21 September, 2009 2:57 pm

I will tell you that Michigan interstates are awful. Absolutely terrible. I am convinced that the road surface is what initially caused my truck’s CD player to go wacky…just days after it was given to me as a gift.

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RD
RD
21 September, 2009 12:09 pm

1. After reading your blog for yesterday, I thought I’d confess that I’d fallen for a “Nigerian 419” scam just to see if you’d believe me.
2. As a kid I loved Roadrunner and Wiley Coyote. Guess that’s too violent for children today :-)
3. I’m loathe to admit it but even after this horribly disappointing season, I’m still a Cubs fan.
4. May I publicly admit that FNC is my news channel of choice?

Reply

Rat Fink
Rat Fink
21 September, 2009 12:52 pm
Reply to  RD

1. You wouldn’t fall for it, because you’d always ask me about it first and I wouldn’t let you! :P

2. The Warner Brothers Merrie Melodies (Bugs, Daffy, Yosemite, Wile E. Coyote, Elmer, etc.) series positively flattens any other cartoon ever made, or that ever will be made. Period.

3. Hey sure…that’s fine, and I don’t need to tell you why!

4. You certainly may. Glenn Beck is a little too much for me (but I think he’s funny in a Mark-Russell-on-crack sorta way), but Shepard Smith is one good-looking anchor.

Reply

Rennurbtlih
Rennurbtlih
21 September, 2009 12:30 pm

I’ll never admit that at one point in my life [troubled and out of touch with reality] I liked Fords.

Reply

Rat Fink
Rat Fink
21 September, 2009 12:46 pm
Reply to  Rennurbtlih

HEY. I LIKE FORDS!

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Rennurbtlih
Rennurbtlih
21 September, 2009 12:56 pm
Reply to  Rat Fink

And that is you Finky Flaw of the day :P

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Rat Fink
Rat Fink
21 September, 2009 2:50 pm
Reply to  Rennurbtlih

Aw maaaaaaan!

*going to sit in corner, dragging blanky behind me*

Reply

Krissy
Krissy
21 September, 2009 12:55 pm

1. I am horribly frightened by heights because of this terrible recurring dream where I just keep falling and falling.
2. I love M*A*S*H and everyone my age always asks me what it is.

Reply

Rat Fink
Rat Fink
21 September, 2009 3:01 pm
Reply to  Krissy

Kristina, there are several textbooks I’ve read over the years that say humans are born with only two innate fears: loud noises, and falling. Could it be your falling
fear somehow intensified via a scary experience, either in infancy or more recently?

Let me know. That’ll be $120.

Dr. Fink

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Krissy
Krissy
21 September, 2009 11:30 pm
Reply to  Rat Fink

I fell out of the top bunk when I was 5. It was the most terrifying thing in the world to me. My parents and older brother had trouble convincing me to get back up into the bed and go back to sleep. Ever since then I’ve had that horrible dream.

Reply

BoomR
BoomR
21 September, 2009 5:11 pm

I don’t get Seinfeld either… add to that list the insanity that arises over Elvis. REALLY? And maybe one day we’ll have to share a glass of wine & you can help me to better understand that same level of insanity over The Beatles [ducking] I am also a choc-o-holic (as I write this, I’m munching a few Hershey’s dark chocolate kisses…they’re better for you!! Right??) Ditto for me on the public door thing… ESPECIALLY going in/out of public restrooms. I pray that any restroom to which I enter has paper towels to dry my hands – I keep the… Read more »

Stoney
Stoney
21 September, 2009 7:16 pm

1. Clowns and monkeys freak me out.

2. I have to mop my floors every weekend or I simply cannot go on.

3. Do not understand why so many people I know think The Three Stooges are funny. They are not.

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Suzanne
Suzanne
22 September, 2009 12:13 am

I have to agree that Seinfeld isn’t all that funny but I did like his show mainly because of some of the characters and storylines they had. I don’t like Bagpipes–no matter what song they are playing I get depressed. I don’t like to say things out loud that be like putting a jinx on something — like we’re riding along in the car and I say garsh we haven’t had a flat tire in like never and then *BLAM* flat tire. Ya know? I hate it when people loudly chew their gum in public; even worse if it’s someone… Read more »

Alastair Daphne
Alastair Daphne
22 September, 2009 12:18 pm

The Stooges are timeless imo.

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