Since I’m squawking…

7 August, 2011
Rat Fink

Yesterday, while listening to Sirius Radio’s “70s on 7” channel in the car, I heard what I think might be one of the worst pop songs ever: “Deanie” by Shaun Cassidy. No joke. Melody went all over the place, cloying lyrics…Lawd.

So, help me add to the list here. What are the absolute worst pop songs you’ve ever heard? Here are the rules:

  1. The songs on your list can be rotten for any reason (ugly melody, stupid lyrics, annoying singer, etc.)
  2. Let’s not include songs that you originally liked, but were played to the point of you wanting to shoot yourself. Like, say, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” for instance. I liked it when it first aired, but after the millionth time…
  3. Stick to hits. For instance, “Friday” by Rebecca Black is a really bad song, but it didn’t hit the Top 40 charts. It was more of a meme than a song, actually.

So here we go.  Ready, steady, list!

Worst Pop Hits of All Time
(In No Particular Order)

  • Lady Lady Lay – Bob Dylan <–in the top five of my list of Most Overrated Artists Ever (but that’s another post)
  • Burnin’ Love – Elvis Presley (“a hunk-a hunk-a”…really?)
  • Little Willy – The Sweet
  • Havin’ My Baby – Paul Anka
  • Babe – Styx (please, please, PLEASE, fuh cripesake, transpose it down a minor third)
  • Playground in My Mind – Clint Holmes (look it up, seriously)
  • Dance Hall Days – Wang Chung
  • Lean On Me – Club Nouveau (not because of the song, but because the singers and producer hadn’t a righteous clue what “that’s a quarter-step sharp” means)
  • Safety Dance – Men Without Hats
  • Sweet Child of Mine – Guns ‘N Roses
  • Escape (The Pina Colada Song) – Rupert Holmes
  • Seasons in the Sun – Terry Jacks
  • I Would Do Anything For Love – Meatloaf (sorry, he’s just bad)
  • Time Passages – Al Stewart
  • Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm – Crash Test Dummies (yes, boys, you sound like James Hetfield, now go away)
  • If I Could Turn Back Time – Cher
  • Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep – Middle of the Road (I am not making this up)
  • It’s a Heartache – Bonnie Tyler

Truthfully, I could list hundreds. But I don’t want to spoil anyone else’s fun. :-) Gofrit!

 

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Skylar
Skylar
7 August, 2011 9:14 am

First, Sweet Child of Mine? Really?? o.O – Kiss; Prince (His voice….) – Eye of the Tiger; Survivor – Truly, Madly, Deeply; Savage Garden (I don’t suppose you remember the alternate lyrics our public speaker came up with a few years back? :]) – (Anything); Kesha (I like the sound of her songs, I guess, but her lyrics are kind of ridiculous.) … That’s all I have at the moment. ReplyRat Fink Reply:August 7th, 2011 at 1:02 pmYES — anything with Axl Rose’s voice makes me think of a 9-year-old whining because he didn’t get his way. I think he’d… Read more »

PKPudlin
7 August, 2011 9:36 am

The flute solo in “California Dreamin'” (Mamas and Papas) is flat. That drives me nuts. Maybe it’s meant to sound ‘jazzy’, but it’s still flat. Cher is consistently flat. Can’t think of anything she did that I have liked. I’m with you on the ‘Havin’ My Baby’ song. Blechhhh. With you on a few others too. Most things David Bowie. I just don’t get it. PK ReplyRat Fink Reply:August 7th, 2011 at 12:59 pmBoring, unimaginative and ugly. < --- I'll add those to that flue solo. Makes me think of the synth solo on the Monkees' "I'm a Believer." Whoa,… Read more »

Suzanne
7 August, 2011 11:16 am

First song that comes to mind is Muskrat Love. WT*??

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Rat Fink Reply:

From Wikipedia:

“In July 1976 Captain & Tennille performed “Muskrat Love” at a White House dinner honoring Queen Elizabeth II. The press subsequently ran a statement from a dinner guest who opined it was “in very poor taste” to sing of mating muskrats before the Queen.”

HA

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Tom Hanks
Tom Hanks
7 August, 2011 11:45 am

I can’t think of any myself, but I feel the need to boo your inclusion of Lay Lady Lay BOOOOO! BOOO! Sorry haha. ReplyRat Fink Reply:August 7th, 2011 at 12:55 pmHA — well, git bizzy, man! Thinka some! I imagine I’m in quite the minority with my anti-Zimmermanian feelings. It’s OK, though. He’s way famouser than I, so that’s got to say something! ReplyTom Hanks Reply:August 7th, 2011 at 3:00 pmAlmost any pop hit from the 80’s. And I’m 100% with you on “Sweet Child of Mine”. Was that from the 80’s? I bet its about 50/50 on Bobby so… Read more »

Krissy
Krissy
7 August, 2011 1:10 pm

Taylor Swift’s voice drives me completely insane. I like the song lyrics, and I like the music itself, but her voice reminds me of nails on chalkboard.

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Rat Fink Reply:

Truthfully Krissy, I wouldn’t know her voice if it jumped up and bit me. I’ll have to get on YouTube and check it out.

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Greg
Greg
7 August, 2011 2:20 pm

Or “Who Has Seen the Wind?” Yoko Ono. It was on the flip side of “Cold Turkey.” Had to be the worst recording of anything. Sounded like 10 cats in a bag with a weasel!

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Rat Fink Reply:

She was really awful. One of those “it’s so horribly hideous that it must be really great avant-garde art” type things. :-)

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Tom Hanks
Tom Hanks
7 August, 2011 3:45 pm

Yeah I know what you mean. I guess you’d have to be a Dylan fan to excuse the sound of his voice on all of Nashville Skyline. Have you heard his early early folk voice sound, like pre-times are a changin’, back when he only sang covers? Sorry this is more Bob Dylan that you want to talk about…and off subject! Other pop hits I hate: All Bon Jovi hits…every one. ReplyRat Fink Reply:August 7th, 2011 at 4:58 pmI must say I have not. I’ve seen a couple of early vids when he was playing the Village circa 1964, but… Read more »