Rant-urday

9 May, 2009
Rat Fink

Well now, fiends, I am in a mood. I seethe, therefore I rant.

I positively refuse to believe this. But then again, not really. Because, sadly and embarrassingly, that’s what America represents. We are above nothing. This, to my horror, is a truly illustrative slice of our popular culture. This is what we think is quality entertainment; representative of our national identity — the stuff of time capsules buried beneath the Capitol building. We have to be ridiculously careful to never, ever misspeak in public for fear of legal retribution, but we can celebrate the insipid, cruel and ignorant things Matt Groenig writes, and cover it up by saying, “Hey, free country. Change the channel if you don’t like it.” Well, to that person I say, I DID change the channel and I STILL think you’re a stupid hick. HA! So there. Sue me for hurting your feelings. Next thing you know, Stewie from Family Guy will be on a postage stamp. Hahaha!! Aw MAN that would be awesome! Heh heh OMG that is hilarrrrious. Hey let’s go git us a bat and destroy us some mailboxes, k? We’re Amurricans and we got the Confederate flag and *bANg*

Unbe-friggin-lievable. But let’s see, what else…

Oh, this. (Of course it happened in Ohio, as so many national-news-making stupid things do.) Reminds me 100% of my childhood and young teenage years, enduring the Religion of No. No dancing, no card-playing, no rock and roll, no watching Ed Sullivan (Dad thought he was a Commie sympathizer), no reading Time (Dad: “It’s a Communist rag”), no walking into a place where they served alcohol (“What if Jesus came back and caught you in there?”), no smoking because God can’t look on it… no, no, no, no. If my dear father were here, I would tell him that I would have made him crazy with my rebellious behavior even if I was never allowed to attend that first junior high school dance. Furthermore, I don’t care where Ben Roethlisberger went to high school. Moreover, I like to use the word moreover. Get moreover it.

I resent my music ed exam. See, there are two parts to it, selected from a pool of four possible subject areas (philosophy; then quantitative, qualitative and historical research methodologies). Well, I failed the quantitative part, but my marks on the philosophy essay were listed as “high pass.” Yet, I have to take both parts of the exam over again. Not fair. They have earned my enmity. Right, I know…life ain’t fair so get over it. I’m trying, so GET OFF ME! Why do you have to be so CRITICAL???

*straightening skirt, smoothing hair*

Well now, that was nice. I feel better. I must say I’d better hurry or I’ll be late for my breakfast meeting with Jerry.

Hating everything and everyone (except you),

RF

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

12 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
BoomR
BoomR
9 May, 2009 2:46 pm

This country went to H*LL in a hand basket the day someone decided that it was OK to put Elvis on a stamp, right along side all those other hacks like George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, etc… Homer Simpson, eh? The next thing you know, it’ll be the Beatles!! (oh, wait – http://www.norvic-philatelics.co.uk/2007/01-beatles.htm) Now, RF my sweet, I can’t BELIEVE that you missed your chance to post on the hallowed day of this great American’s birthday (yesterday, May 8): http://www.nndb.com/people/208/000024136/ I’m going shopping… **SMEWCH** BoomR ReplyRat Fink Reply:May 10th, 2009 at 7:20 amNow sweety…do NOT tell me you’re equating… Read more »

Conger
Conger
9 May, 2009 5:01 pm

Haha, man am I glad I go to a school where I am the most “hick-like”. It makes conversations much more interesting and less ignorant.

Also, religion. LOL.

Reply

Rat Fink Reply:

Ah Mathew…I knowed you was always a hick at heart. Isn’t everyone who comes from Willard?
:P

Reply

Ross
Ross
12 May, 2009 12:07 am

Are you suggesting that The Simpsons is low-brow humor? You have to be kidding! For the past twenty years it’s been American TV’s sharpest satire, reflecting and drawing attention to the more ridiculous aspects of our culture — not the other way around. And just because it’s a prime-time cartoon does not mean that it automatically should draw its only comparisons with ‘Family Guy’. That said, personally I can’t help myself, I think Family Guy is outrageously hilarious; but the Simpsons, is, generally speaking, a fantastic and intelligent sitcom, one of the best in history. ReplyRat Fink Reply:May 12th, 2009… Read more »