par·a·noi·a – n. A psychotic disorder characterized by delusions of persecution with or without grandeur, often strenuously defended with apparent logic and reason.
Not that I’m distrustful of anyone, mind (or psychotic, generally). I am leery of some things, and probably with good cause. You know, like car salespeople and internet moneymaking schemes. But on a more personal level, I must admit that the feeling of uncertainty with regard to what others are thinking is not a pleasant experience.
I basically know two kinds of people: 1) those who don’t care what others think, and 2) those who care a great deal about what others think. I’ve really never met anyone in the middle ground, despite what they might claim.
Performance artists generally fall in the “2” category. They may say they perform for the individual fulfillment and fun of it, but I’d be willing to bet that a large part of the picture involves acceptance and validation. But that doesn’t involve paranoia, usually. My personal definition of paranoia, as it relates to me, is not knowing if I’m behaving in a way so as to garner the loyalty of my friends/coworkers/etc. Do any of you feel that way?
*feeling forehead* Am I rambling?
Some would say I worry too much about what others think. They’d probably be right. I’m a 2, mos def. What about you?
Hey, I get to see Helen today! She’s coming to spend the morning with me at school for a college observation assignment. Who’s a lucky rat?