Made ya laff

6 April, 2009
Rat Fink

Found this awesome PhotoShop contest on cracked.com. Hilarious. See if you can find what’s been “added.” Some are not so obvious…

And I hardly ever reprint a forwarded email. Most of them are of the ridiculous, easily-debunked variety. But this one (while *almost* true – there are several books with this information in them, although I’m not sure which ones contained these exact quotes) was hysterical. I have to reprint some of it.

Rarely does reading something make me laugh out loud, but this did. Thanks to my BFF Kay for sending it to me.

Things Actually Said in American Courtrooms

~

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

============

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you sh****ng me?

============

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height, and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or female?

WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I’m going with male.

============

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

============

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Blood pressure? Breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So then, isn’t it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk, in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes. It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

============

Made ya laff. :-)

FO

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Ross
Ross
6 April, 2009 9:34 am

sheesh I spent way too long on the Seurat and ultimately Amber had to point it out.

Great quotes, real or fictional.

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Stein
Stein
6 April, 2009 9:50 am

I absolutely love the Waldo picture, I was a “Where’s Waldo?” child. I owned 4 books and a memory game. (I wonder where they are now???) My college roommate of 3 years actually had these quotes in his various profiles. He is a very blunt man that cannot stand ignorance. It was perfect for him.

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