Five Things I Hate About Facebook

28 February, 2011
Rat Fink

  1. Cryptic status messages. Although I don’t need to know everyone’s secrets, it’s a bit off-putting to not get the meaning. And let’s face it: a cryptic status begs to be questioned.
  2. The “like” statements. They’re getting to be a little over the top. So-and-so likes “Talking to myself in an accent.” Please.
  3. Hanging posts. Mathew still hasn’t responded to the cool picture I posted on his profile. It’s OK. I know I’m just an old useless hag…I’ll be under my truck wheels if you need me. And speaking of #4…
  4. Statuses that induce guilt. “If you care about colon cancer, you will put this as your status for an hour today. I bet only 20% of my friends will care.” You’re right. I care about colon cancer, but I don’t care to take your guilt bait. F’tannnggg!
  5. Drive-by posters. They post a status or comment, after which their “friends” comment, but they (the original posters) are never heard from again. Looking down the guilty party’s profile page, all one sees is a bunch of statuses with comments — none of which are their own. And they rarely comment on other people’s statuses, either. Niggly behavior. It’s like being at a party and doing all the talking, talking, talking, but none of the listening.

Look. Social networking (I really hate that term) is, after all, networking. By its very definition, it assumes people are engaging in communication. Some have said, “What do I care what you’re doing tonight? Why would I want to know this, and why would I want others to know what I’m doing?” Well, if you don’t care for Facebook’s personal nature, then don’t sign up. I’ll still love you. Simple as that.

I, however, do care about what my faraway friends and family are up to. I like to see where they’re going, what movies they’ve seen, what their favorite restaurants are, what their opinions are about sundry topics, what they think is important in life, and pictures of people they love. Then I like to comment about it, and enjoy some back-and-forth repartee. Kind of like a high-five greeting while passing on the street. And it’s all asynchronous, which is a beautiful thing to me. Someone can shout out to me, and I can take all day to respond. Logging onto Facebook and seeing that you’ve got 10 responses waiting is like getting a letter in the mail from a friend. It’s cool to read and respond.

I can do all the above and get my work done, too. If you can’t, then fine. You’re just not hot-ziggity like me. :P Text or call me and we can talk that way.

All annoyances (and kidding) aside, I am a big fan of Facebook for the singular reason that it brought many wonderful people — people with whom I’d lost touch over the years — back into my life. Yay for that! Look at the list:

  • BoomR!
  • My cousins Amy O., Sue B., Glenn M., and my Aunt Case — all of whom I have not seen for decades
  • High school friends I haven’t spoken with since 1977
  • A slew of former students
  • Missy and Jules, my dear childhood friends from Milwaukee
  • Other friends and distant relatives from years past

So yeah. I’m keeping Facebook, even though I will slap it around a bit when I’m cheesed. Speaking of cheese…I’m hungry. It might be time for an omelet.

Happy Monkday.

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28 February, 2011 9:21 am

I am honored to be amongst “Other friends” :)P But I think your blog reunited us if my old memory serves me right….. When I first started on Facebook I told everyone EVERYTHING! I mean EVERYTHING! I was a big drama queen. Now my posts are mostly related to the games I play there–total 180. I prolly drive everyone nuts with that but like the games I play and that’s how I relax these days. Get over it and use that hide button! (I know you do Jax) Maybe someday I will find the middle ground and share cool things… Read more »

28 February, 2011 3:39 pm

[[bowing to her highness, the Gran Diva Fink]] Thank you for putting me at the top of your list – I hope you know that you are totally at the top of mine! Interesting – BV & I just got around to watching The Social Network the other night. How interesting to know about how all of this started! And I agree with you – the emotional blackmail posts, the e-driveby’s, & the hanging posts drive me nertz, too! Although I must say that as of late on a few of those posts (where I think the intent is well-meant),… Read more »

28 February, 2011 8:52 pm

Wanna know what I hate about Facebook? Of course you do. I hate people posting lyrics as their status. I hate it more when it’s a sad girl posting Taylor Swift lyrics.


Rat Fink Reply:

Agreed. And half the time, it seems like people try to find the most obscure, whacked-out words, so as to make folks say, “Whoa…deep.” Sheesh.