Boot To The Head. Not you, Gracious Visitor/Patient Reader. I’m talking about the goofballs (mostly spammers and strikingly unaware journalists) who continue to hang onto the annoying, outdated web-speak that clearly died a calm and quiet death in 1997. Think Ron Burgundy of the Internet.
Pretty much, nobody looks at something amazing and says, “Aw, radical!” anymore. Just sounds kind of silly, right? Well, so does the following. Please don’t say these words, or even think them.
Phrases That Belong in the Boneyard, or
If I Hear You Say These, You Get a Boot to the Head
- Prosumers – combination of “professional” and “consumers.” Bad, bad word. Because it’s dumb and lazy. And dumb.
- Webinar – this is the last time I will ever type that idiotic word.
- The ‘Net – if you say this, I will hit you.
- Surfin’ the ‘Net – see #3, except substitute “strangle” for “hit.”
- E-commerce – Actually, “E” anything should be outlawed. Bring back public floggings – that’s what I say.
- Information Superhighway – Ooo, yeah. Let’s think up something really 21st century. Meet George Jetson.
- “Cyber” anything – I mean it. I’ll pound ya.
- Blogosphere – BTTH.
- Podcast – yeah, even that one’s getting tiring. Can we just say you uploaded a sound file?
- Killer app – I say we find the woman who invented this phrase, and killer.
It’s amazing how many modern journalists still use this tripe to describe activities on the web. It makes me wish they’d spill their nonfat sugar-free double marble mocha iced macchiato all over their Blackberry earpieces (and I hate those, too – can you say “unbearably pretentious and ugly?”). Ugh.
And that’s today’s rant. I hate those ridiculous words. They’re almost as annoying as saying, “Boot to the Head” over and over.