Review: Grudge Match

31 December, 2013
Rat Fink

Formulaic, totally predictable, outrageously unrealistic, kind of creepish in places — but sort of fun.

Two aging (aged? — De Niro is 70 and Stallone 67) boxers have a 30-year-old score to settle, and where better to put things to rights than in the ring, yes? Add into the mix a complicated past relationship (Kim Basinger, looking all awkward and basically unlikable with her potty mouth and constantly bewildered/angry facial expressions), a grown son and his 8-year-old boy (insert standard-issue, precocious, smiley-faced, sing-songy-voiced cherub with the vocabulary of a Harvard grad), and you have what most critics are calling a dismal failure.

But, as usual, what the cinesnobs pan, we generally enjoy. Ha. Go figure.

Maybe it’s because we’re “older” and these two actors were very much a part of our young adult lives. Rocky and The Deer Hunter were the first memories I have of these former box office giants. I still think they’re great, and maybe I channel too much of that nostalgia into my overall opinion of their more recent work, which, by many barometers in the business, has been labeled substandard.

But hey — qui s’en soucie? Psh. We like what we like. So what if they should’ve hired Chris Rock to “do” himself onscreen, rather than the poor imitation floated by Kevin Hart? So what if you could have seen Alan Arkin playing the curmudgeonly old trainer with a heart of gold trick from a hundred miles away? So what if it was borderline creepy to watch two rather leathery, wrinkled dudes go at it in slo-mo in the boxing ring? (I always look away on the slow-motion punch shots…eww…)

Rocky Balboa and Jake LaMotta they weren’t, trust me. But the premise was kind of kitschy and throwback, you know? Like a private joke between them and those of us who remember going to the theater to see Rocky and Raging Bull back in ’76 and ’80, respectively. Both men retained part of their boyish charm, even if some of the obviously improvised patter in a few of the scenes seemed a bit forced.

Could have completely done without Kim Basinger, however. First, she struck me immediately as too young for the part she played (former lover of both men), even though she is only seven years younger than Stallone in real life. Second, her face rarely changed from appearing honked off or confused. Come on, people; show us at least one redeeming factor to make us want these two to end up together.

OK, enough snarking already. It was what many movies are designed/destined to be: a harmless romp with some laughs for an afternoon at the matinee. We liked it. Oh, and that guy from Walking Dead  is in it, too.

On the Rat-O-Meter scale of five cheeses, I give Grudge Match:

2 Comments

  1. Having seen the usual trailers for this movie I ended up each time saying “I think I’ll wait for Pay-for-View.” My fear was that it would leave me grimacing…sort of like when we had to watch Mick Jaggers underarm skin flappin in the wind during The Stones Super Bowl halftime show in 2006. An icon looking really old under harsh fluorescent lights…simply too much.
    I think I’ll wait for Pay-for-View.

    p.s. I love your reviews! :)

    • HAaaaaa

      Underarm skin flappin’ — I know that feeling all too well. HAHA

      Totally hear ya. Sinatra comes to mind immediately as someone who should’ve taken his millions and his adoring fan base and gone gently into that good night, as opposed to horking out “NY, NY” in Madison Square Garden at 70-some years old and waaaaaay past his having a musical right to do so. Now Tony Bennett…he’s not human. I don’t know how he does it; all I know is I’m jealous of him doing it at 87 years old.

      Definitely wait for the PPV on this. It does have its silly/funny moments, but they are too few and far between to drop the $ at the theater — even on “Senior Monday,” which is when we went, and the Thriller got us in for $5 each! :-D HNY, my friend — glad you like my silly reviews.

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