Focused NFs on a Wednesday

11 April, 2012
Rat Fink

:cry: Nothing random about today’s neuron firings.

I found out yesterday morning that one of my former students — she posted here at RtB once or twice as “A Nonny Mouse” (here and here) — passed away. She was very close to a young colleague, who is struggling right now, as are many close friends this girl had throughout high school.

She was a poet, a musician, a thinker, a writer, a cynic. So incredibly wise — and sad — for her 20 short years on earth.

I have decided to redouble my efforts to recognize and act on the smallest sign from any teenager who might be considering suicide. I’m sad that it took something like this to shake me awake to this issue, but I have smelled the coffee. All of us who spend our days with 12-18-year-olds need to be more vigilant.

May the choir of Angels greet you,
and like Lazarus, who once was a poor man,
may you have eternal rest. —
In Paradisum, The Gregorian Missal

Rest now, Jessica.

6 Comments

  1. Like you, Fink, my world has been shaken over this. Since receiving your text yesterday, I have been unable to focus on anything else. I think I’ve experienced every possible emotion between anger and sorrow. No, Jessica and I were not best friends but we were definitely more than acquaintances. I sensed she needed a special friend years ago. Why did I hesitate? Why didn’t I pursue a deeper friendship? Perhaps I should have been more than just kind to her. It makes me wonder if things could be different. I know you feel the same. It’s tragic that we must lose someone with such talent and beauty.

    My roommate sensed my struggle last night and stayed up talking with me past 2:00am. My thoughts were all over the place. Death makes me re-examine life. What impact am I making? What impression am I leaving people with? Do my friends really know I am there for them? Do people know I love them? The thoughts go on and on. But I must believe that somehow this was meant to be. We most likely will never know the reason, but meanwhile we can strive to be the best version of ourselves.

    Hugs to you, Jax, and to anyone who knew Jessica.

    • Thank you for this lovely message, Meggy. I have looked at an unanswered mail from her in my inbox a dozen times, wondering why I didn’t just stop for a minute and write back. We can second-guess ourselves forever if we allow it, and it can really shake us up.

      I’m glad your roommate was there for you, and that you were able to find a little peace through this. I know you are a person of great faith, and that it will sustain you now as it has so many times in the past. You are right — she was a person of great talent and beauty, and her passing makes us all take stock of the effect we have on the people around us.

  2. I read her posts here. She loved you, L :) Hugs, she is now in a good place.

    • Thanks, Suz. She was a dear, sweet soul who just felt very lost, and I’m glad she is finally at peace. So sad! I loved her too. (AND YOU!)

  3. I did not know who she was until this happened. Reading her writings and poetry since then has been sad. She seemed to be exactly what you said…wise beyond her years and overall a beautiful, feeling, and intelligent person.

    “May the choir of Angels greet you”

    I am glad to believe in that^

Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *.