Thanks to my pal Todd in PA, who sent me these yesterday. Cute. Nice way to start the week, no?

Universal Laws

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt or screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal, and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer or the rest room, and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The people in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long, gangly legs, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The Aisle People also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.

16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson‘s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors’ Law - If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor. By the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

…ulterior motives are rarely as secret as we might think.

…trusting your dog is easy; people, not so much.

…the more you worry and fret about a problem, the more elusive and confusing the solution becomes.

Deep thoughts this day. But on a lighter note: if you do the math, I was just charged $10/minute for my eye doctor followup yesterday.

I am in the wrong profession.

It kind of runs along the same lines as the RNFs, but too important to be considered random. It deals with what I think are the gut-level, bottom-line truths in life, relationships, work, and basically dealing with people in general.

The Truth Is that mean people, sooner or later, get what’s coming to them.

The Truth Is that the current school calendar in my district is antiquated and largely irrelevant…but I adore it.

The Truth Is that going through the fire can really be for the greater good. My brother-in-law was just diagnosed with emphysema. Prayers and positive energy going up for him and for Mavis, who are both now smoke-free, cold-turkey. Day three of their new life begins today — go for it, guys! We love you.

The Truth Is that doing the right thing or doing good is not always repaid in kind. Indeed, sometimes it’s slapped across the face.

The Truth Is that there’s no such word as “acrost.” (OK, that was trivial.)

The Truth Is that many difficult, obnoxious, unkind people don’t know they’re being difficult, obnoxious and unkind. They just think everyone else is stupid and they have to show their impatience with it all.

The Truth Is that you will live a better life if you take people like that in stride. Lean and smile, so a good friend once told me.

Welp, it’s the last day of school and I have a bunch of gifts to load up and errands to take care of before I even think about pointing the Finkmobile north and west. Truthfully, even though my “vacation” will be quite busy with school-related stuff, I’m really looking forward to the time off. Them agrarians had more on the ball than what you might realize…

A fab Finkday to all.