All the news fit to harangue about. Yes, I ended a sentence in a preposition; it just “popped” better than the more acceptable form of the sentence (fragment), All the news about which to harangue. I like the word “harangue.” Huh-rang. I like to say it as well as write it. It has a nice mouth feel. Say it a couple of times, right there in your chair. Go ahead. Huh-rang.

Right. Onward.

1. I found a picture this morning and was reminded of how much fun I had at the camp I did last month, and how cool the guys from InPulse are:

Fink, surrounded by talent and gorgeousness. It is good to be queen.

~

Definitely made some great friends that week, even though I was the oldest person there, beating out one other faculty member by about a year. But hey, it’s all in your head, right? (And in your knees, back, shoulders, ankles.)

2. Got a real nice email last night from one of the students at the camp. Makes it worth doing all this, ya know? Just when you’re afraid it’s all been wasted time…

3. Completely vapid and superficial: Who wants to know how to duplicate Kate Hudson’s hair color? I do. Yes, I am that shallow.

4. I get Jake all day today. Wahoo!

5. Jake and I are going to see BFF Kay this morning. Waffles are on the menu, topped with raspberries from the back yard garden. How cool is that? I ask you.

6. And speaking of cool: my little town of Ashland, Ohio makes the headlines. Good for the two of them.

7. I have to admit this: I think Glenn Beck is funny. All political pundits should be comedians first. Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Louis Black…even the slightly unamusing Bill Maher.

OK. Time to gird the loins for the arrival of The Most Awesome Toddler in the World.

BTW: I do not know what day it is. Just sayin.

FO

I am proud this day.

After ten weeks of grueling classwork and road training, Seamus is now a certified heavy hauler. Wahoo! He is fully licensed to drive flatbed, box and tanker semi trucks. He will be working mostly with flatbed loads.

Seamus, Jake, Hannah and Justin at the party

~

Am I proud of this boy? Yep. After a career in retail sales that was fine, but not personally rewarding for him, he finally decided to go after his dream: driving for a living. He’s loved it since his grandfather allowed him to drive a tractor around the farm when he was nine years old.

Now he’s going to be the asphalt cowboy he’s always wanted to be. How cool is that? How often does someone reach his goals in this world?

Last night, Hannah threw a surprise party for him. There were a dozen of us there, all proud as get-out. But few as proud as Mama Fink. And I’m looking forward to taking him up on his offer to go with him on a haul sometime.

Fink, eastbound and down, loaded up and truckin’…

Snark, snark, snark. Feelin’ kinda snarky this morning.

All right: here’s a list that makes me itchy-scratchy. Sometimes things don’t bother me regarding usage, like ending a sentence with certain prepositions (as long as it isn’t “at”). Sentence fragments. Don’t. Bug me. Usually. Unless they’re in a research paper.

I’m not the Knot-See I used to be; I’ve mellowed in my dotage. But some things do send me, darlin’. They make me want to say, Hey, c’mere. Got somethin’ for ya. *KaBLaM*

Many of the following have been mentioned in previous Schmenglish posts over the last year and a half, so 1,000 pardons (but they do bear repeating). It’s kind of my “Best Of” project. You know, the album that artists release in order to cash in twice on the same material? Well this is that, only without the cashing-in part. So, without further delay, and in random order:

Schmenglish Peeves

1. “The Fink’s blog is better than Perez Hilton’s.” Why thank you, doll. But please don’t write that something is better then anything.
2. You’re going to a birthday party today. Your not going anywhere.
3. To little, to late. I can hardly type it. Is it too much to ask to remember to use the extra “o” when you write about that which is excessive or in addition to something? Or do I have to do that for you, too?
4. Bananas. Pianos. Calculators. I will slap the pretty right off your face if you write banana’s, piano’s or calculator’s. Word.
5. If I see another writer for a major publication (we’re talking the Times, the Post,  the Globe, and the place where all bad writers go to die: ESPN.com) say something like, The company would benefit it’s investors by selling off it’s assets, I am going to punch stuff. I mean, really. It’s is a friggin’ contraction of “it is.” When will they ever learn? Where have all the flowers gone?
6. Could of/would of. Why do I get so upset about this one? Why do I imagine myself repeatedly bopping someone on the back of the head while shouting, “COULD HAVE! WOULD HAVE!” with each blow? I could of daaaaaanced all niiiiight…. Honestly. Some things make me want to kick and punch and scratch and maul.
   
7. “I seen her at the bank yesterday.” You would be surprised at how many educated people seen folks here or there or yonder.
   
8. Who vs. that (and the “vs.” stands for versus, not “verse.” Just sayin’.). You would once again be surprised to hear things like, “Students that plan to play volleyball should meet in the gym,” or “People that text while driving are more prone to accidents.” No, luvs. People get the “who” — things get the “that.” I hate things that make me mad and people who don’t care about how stupid we appear when we can’t master our own language.

Unfortunately, that’s all I have time for this morning. Must get those tour letters done. Mavis is helping me today, bless her heart. That will likely improve my sour mood.

I should do a Part II of this list. I think I might. I probably will.

Happy Monday — shyeah right.

Except this guy isn’t dead; he’s retiring (and I am envious).

Our good fiend and fellow RtB poster RD is retiring after almost 40 years as a full time pastor. His last sermon is this morning, and the Fink and the Thriller are going to be there.

RD and I have been friends since 1983, when Lars was the bun in the oven. We’ve shared many funny experiences over the years, but one that I like to retell involves him coming to the hospital to visit me after I had surgery, years ago. Before leaving my room, he wanted to pray for me, so we both closed our eyes. When he was done, he found that the Fink had fallen fast asleep. HA — how many times did I say, “It was the Demerol, I swear!”

He has a wonderful wife and family, and eleventy-six grandchildren, ranging from elementary school age to out of college and married. What a great fam. And what a great friend.

So, raise your coffee mug and give a shout to RD today. He’s earned that vacation home in Florida.

FO

I’m back home and relaxing before the new madness begins. It’s a beautiful sunny morning here in north central Ohio…I should be getting work done, but the coffee’s good and the chair is comfy, so I’ll stay awhile.

So I never commented on the Cavs getting Shaquille O’Neal. HA. I’m sure Danny Ferry knows something I don’t. I hope it works. Thirty-seven years old, slow, bad legs, struggles with the pick-and-roll…don’t we have the younger version of that in Ilgauskas?? Just askin’. Still, even at 37, Shaq is amazing to watch. I just hope it translates to a championship for what is almost certain to be LeBron’s last year in Cleveland (although why he would want to leave the Cavs is a mystery…unless he will get mo money and mo red carpet somewhere else — I just wouldn’t know where he could be more adored and pampered…China, mebbe?).

OK, enough basketball. Silly sport anyhow.

Overshadowed by MJ’s death was the tragic passing of Farrah Fawcett. OK magazine has a nice collection of photos of her, and her ex, Lee Majors, called her “an angel forever.” Nice. There are those who might argue her “iconic” status. It was surely not on the same level as MJ, but I know I will remember her for three reasons:

1. She brought the “pin-up girl” thing back with the red swimsuit poster.
2. She single-handedly influenced a generation of layered haircuts for women.
3. She broke the Marilyn mold of blond bombshells wanting but not getting serious movie roles; I remember being horrified and completely impressed by her performance in The Burning Bed.

So yeah. Props to Farrah today as well.

All right. Time for some Nebraska session prep. But more java first. It’s good to be home.

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